Oh Maaan!

Hey right I am absoulutly useless what the hell why does it take soo long for me to update.

I know its just me in this bubble and reads this but I don't care. I am 20 years old now still Engaged to Robert and loving it.
Me and Robert are moving out in a few months where? no idea but we got to save up first and give notice blah blah blah.

I am in a happier place at the moment I am not as depressed as I used to be, but I probably wont completely become better I just have to keep calm and carry on I suppose.
I have had more of a life recently I have been hanging out with my best friend Kerry she is in her 30's but it doesn't really bother me we have the same interests and have a laugh. I also have been hanging with Adam and Amanda we all work together in the Cafe so I guess we have to get on. :p

I signed up for the gym last month and this month I signed up for 3 for the price of 2 at the gym which is saving money also and keeping me fit. I really want to do it this time, I know i've said it before on blogs but this time I mean it I have a feeling I can do it I just need to stick to it and hope for the best?
Hopefully when I get my Flat/House I can do Wii fit and Just dance and other fitness stuff, I'm really excited about it and I think it can happen if I keep up the excitement.

Yesterday I got some bad news about my eldest sister. Her flat she lives in is a pig stye and the social workers came round and took charlie and nevy to stay with my other family till Monday so she can tidy the flat. I just hope it doesn't get too serious and they end up being taken off her permanently.

Work news? Well it has been interesting recently because a girl (Lets call her Meg) at work was sleeping with one of the Adm's who had a long term girlfriend and that was the news for a few months like "have you slept with him yet?" "I feel bad for his girlfriend" "we have broken up" Well he said he broke up with his long term girlfriend and was going to be with her then a few weeks later they both found out that he was lying about different things so they teamed up and confronted him and yet again that was news and then it was pretty much the last we heard about that topic thank god. The next big gossip joins onto the last story by a group of us going out drinking on a sat night it was organized i think by the ex girlfriend   who doesn't even work at our work. So yeah it was a brill night I was bumping and grinding on the dance floor spending money on drinks and I got home about 1am and then a day later I found out that Adam Cooke a guy I never liked who works in the Cafe felt up (Meg) in the taxi on the way home. I was disgusted and I blocked and deleted him when he got suspended. I think most of the cafe fell out with him but nobody really spoke to him because after his hearing he signed off for a while due to "stress" bullshit!. He had a week off during the time he signed off and after that he resigned so I was like YEESSSSS. but while he was signed off he was spreading stuff to the cake shop which made them start saying stuff to people in the cafe and it also caused people out of the cafe to delete others on Facebook for loads of reasons some to do with Adam and some to do with (Meg) and the cafe being named as troublemakers. What annoys me is that people out of the cafe were once our friends and we had a laugh with some went to weddings and birthdays and then all of a sudden delete you on Facebook because someone told you to.

So I think I have update you of the recent news I'm not going to backdate to my last post cause quite frankly I've been to sleep since then.

Talk soon (I hope)

Love Ya

Ashlie
xoxo

my passion

hey guys so the last post was pretty emotional i was at a really bad stage of my 19 year old life I meant every word I said but theres the fine line between thinking it and doing it and i was just think about it I wasn't actually going to.
Anyway this new post isnt about that this is about my passion. I guess alot reacently i have lost all my ambitions and dreams and passion for anything i say i know i will write this book i get round to doing it and then bam i have this film to watch blah blah blah. then ooh i am going to make a tablet case get round to doing it oh i have no money i will forget about it. then i wanted to make a dolls house that went out the window. just so many things i have wanted to do but then i give up on them so easily. look at acting i did that for so many years and when i didnt get through on the 2nd course at college i gave up its like why bother with it. I need to find my passion again i dont know what it will be and if i will stick to it but at the moment all i have going for my work and passion wise is morrisons. i mean i love robert with a passion and i want to marry him and grow old with him it just feels like who am i who is Ashleigh Lauren Dean? in 10 years am i going to be financially stable in a house with rob and kids. or am i going to be swimming in debt and not being able to even produce a kid.
Hopefully this holiday to wales will help me find myself and light my flame again cause now all im doing is breathing in gas.

thanks and i will write soon
xoxo
smashleigh

Quick Update

Just a quick update about whats going on.
I have been on my pills for 6 days its going okay still anxious and paranoid things have been going through my head and it just goes on overdrive I dunno what to do about it.
I tided my room today took a few hours but atleast I can see the floor now! I did the dishwasher but even when my mom came home she was lecturing me about not cleaning the frying pan its like I can't please her when I have just done the dishewasher like she normally asks me to do when rob and her are out.
The other day she had ago at me for not putting the cheese in fridge when I didn't even use the cheese, Rob did but she wouldn't make him put it back it's me that has to do it, she puts him on a pedalstool and I get it in the neck, It's not fair.
Anyhoo I think thats all I have to say in my quick update if I think of anything else I will post again
BYEEEE
Smashleigh
xoxo

Herrow

Herrow everybody.
update from last post I went to the doctors on Thursday and had a cry to get things out my system. I am back on citrophram whatever its called (happy pills). I have been referered to a counciller which will help me work through my problems.
I have been talking to my step mother about it she has been really helpful, more than my doctor anyway.
I have decided I want to get married in June but I dont know if Rob wants to or not it would be really cool if we do because I want to be with him for the rest of my life.
I also want a flat but thats not going to be anytime soon with this ressession we are in so I guess having 13 hours is better than no hours right?
Its nearlly 2am and I have work at 11:30 I cant sleeo and I am really bored while Rob is sleeping I will probably go to sleep soon before he wakes up telling me to go to sleep.
This is only going to be a short one sorry but it is late and there is not much to moan about today.

well anyway I will update soon
byee
Smashleigh
xoxo

Such A Goosh

Hiya yet again I haven't posted.

Well I turned 19 in December. Still happily Engaged to Robert, he moved in on 8Th January and have been together for 1year and 4 months which means I haven't posted in 6 months, (goosh) my new word is goosh I made it up when I wrote the title.
So I am still working in Morrison's cafe I left college hoping to get full-time so i can find a flat with Rob but they had to cut all extra hours which sucks cause now I have to work 13 hours a week and try to pay my mom as much rent as i can and she moans when its only 80 quid. (blame Morrison's)

I hope they can give me hours soon cause i have no idea how i am going to survive off the wages I'm getting now also as an impulse buy I got myself a 36 pound a month contract. It's a good phone but I wish I could have afforded to buy it fully instead of going monthly. So i guess i am in a money funk which i hope will clear up in the next few months so i can get out of this slum I'm in.
I have been trying a healthy eating regime to loose weight but I keep screwing up and everyone around me is on healthy eating and loosing all this weight and when they ask me how much I have lost i just get so angry and want to cry.
Recently I have been really depressed and it gets worse at night when I'm trying to sleep I start thinking about things and they snowball into bigger problems and I cry and cry and have anxiety attacks its horrible i just feel worthless and I feel bad because I always disturb Rob from sleeping because he is worried about me and I don't want to bombard him with my problems and every time he asks if I'm alright I say I'm fine nothings wrong, sometimes I am fine though but now I do it so much he can never tell if I am fine or lying and I don't want to lie to him because I love him so much, if I lost him I don't know what I would do to myself.
At times like these I don't know what to do any more. Scream for help? or do I put a smile on my face and follow the rest of the sheep in this world that are dealing with depression. I don't want to do either of those things I just want to be genuine. If that even exists.
Anyway I'm out of here I have work in 12 hours and hope to wake up in time.
Thanks
Love
Ashlie
xoxo

I'M BACK BITCHES!!!

Hey I can't believe it has been 4 years since I started this blog and I have only wrote one post.......I am a shambles.

Okay so I know I come on here just to basically talk to myself but no1 will read this blog so its just like my diary.

Inspiration:

It's the most amazing feeling when you are bored like i was just looking at pictures on google and the art work is amazing what people can do with a camera the way the lights hit people face the scenery is perfect.

I wish I could do something like that but I have nothing to do it with or no one to do it with.

So whats new with me is that I am now 18 an engaged to Robert Naisbitt we have been together for 10months i cant wait till our year anniversary because it would mean I have got something good going. Not that I don't know that now but its like my first proper relationship when I went out with Scott it just felt like it's over today or its gunna be over soon it was boring I was unhappy and at the time I got really upset because I thought what I felt was real I gave my virginity away to him cause I was so desperate to give it away. I like the feeling of having a guy to protect me and thats how I feel when I am with Rob he just makes tingle inside it's such a good feeling.

When I used to write at school I would just rant how much my life sucks that's what would inspire me, the music I listen to, the books I read, the people I see things like that would get me wanting to write an awesome story but when I get to it all inspiration has left I wish I knew a way to keep it going all the way through and not have to worry about other things.

Well I think I have updated you a little bit since I was 15 (still can't believe that).

The pics are me when I was 15 and this is me and Robert present time.

Talk soon and I hope it's not another 4 years.

BYE

XOXO

Welcome To Life Of Ashlie Dean

Hey I'm ASHLIE DEAN

first of all im 15 16 on December 22nd woooop 138 days from today
i go to dallam school it is shit but i have to go i skive alot but who doesn't skive haha
i love to act i preformed in London on the Olivier stage and i preformed in latitude festival i met Ralf little ive seen loads of famous people its sooooo great i love what i do

my life isnt that exciting tho who's isn't nobody has a perfect life not even famous people

i like to think deep into think i sumtimes say words of wisdom lately ive been a love guru which is awesome it gets a bit boring having people always asking me for advice which is actually quiet good cause it means they value my opinion i think so anyway i decided to delete people from this certain place in the UK cause they don't exactly like me but i wont get into that right now.
im just gunna be blogging everytime something amazing or horrible has happened like my sisters baby is due this month i cant wait its gunna be so great i love babies they are so cute my sister looks like she is gunna explode soon she is soooo big haha
ive been through so many phases like sterotypes in my life from cute baby to adorable toddler anoying kid towney chav greebo emo now im indie which im loving but i still looooooooooveee my chemical romance they are so smeexxxxi .
i love writing stories my alter ego is jazz she is in most of my stories but havent wrote any recently i go to write some but something comes up and i get put off . note to self:must write a story this summer.
woooo i have wrote alot so far i think hahaha so i think im gunna stop now
i will keep you updated on my life but if you dont like me dont write evil comments cause i will report you hahahahaha :P:P
anyway cya love ya
xxxx
Ashlie
xxxxxxxxxx
xxxx